Quite possibly...you had never known it would be this way...One where love ceases to need and challenges are left unstruggled. There is no new to replace the old ways. I heard today, that penguins mate for life. Sun hawks and penguins? Then it follows that humans do not. Not what is honest pure, integral, or even ever just. By ever I mean to imply a sort of always. The only kind that can exist when in fact all humans are destined to die, and forever, so far, exists only in faith. Why do you give up part of your soul for this tiny interpretation of intimacy when you want his heart. It is not yours, even in this tiny moment, you do not dare to fool yourself. And would you ever to be happy if it were. Because this would not be enough. Suffocation by love could only be satisfying if it were ecliptic. Ellipses. Why has no one tried to sell you a story on ellipses. You see things to their end, but you close your eyes. They spread the country: flee you rotten fool, for I would swallow you whole and mar your bones with my heart. And then you will ask after me, to who stands before you now, and ask where I have gone…you tore at my very living soul until it was dead at your feet, and you ask after me…they tell you to look at the moon. How many scenes of moons and Moroccan palaces have you heard now? Go and dazzle your very blood. You are flooded with insignificant memories that lead to the devastation that came inevitably, yet if these things were to have been changed, if they were not to have been compromised, if they had not to been altered, then it might not have been devastation and decay as it is now. You made your mother flush- you were just eight then. She was to stay home after the baby. This was to be your new career. Then it would have ended differently perhaps, is it always the same end, or is rotten demise not at all bad, if that is where you are to end up. Is it all really, quite actually, what you were intended to do, and the path that we take to get there, sometimes however easy, clear, yet ignored because these struggles would be too painful for us to actually contemplate an end to such ridiculous things. We bother with faith because it leads us directly to salvation. A complete and utter love that can only be properly described by someone who has actually attained it. No spoken words for ten days, he thinks that it would be very good for me. Siddhartha and the alchemist would accompany you on these trips, I’m sure. Right. Then why did you write, and why have you not spoken of it. And what was it meant for. Comfort perhaps? This is how I will interpret the letters. How very kind, at the most appropriate point when encouragement could only be taken kindly, not untoward. My very kind friend believes that I should not talk ill of myself, even of my palms….it is gone. you did not look up, your courage is unspoken, and you believe that he will know this, that a shroud of gorgeous desirable 'something' must surround you and he will therefore know? i am sorry, i could not even save myself. silly silly girl has grown wrinkled and warn. you are to meet him this year. it being the very last of your years in your twenties. he will be ethnic and you will not at first think of him, and he will love you until the end of your days...