Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I am belated in my entry, but ever so thankful that the feeling has not gone away. It has suffered and sat with me still…forcing me to acknowledge the very idea that it exists, patiently and ever so kindly for the instant of which I might bear witness. Beyond the means of my previous existence…where do I take this? Without consideration of another, of any other, for the very first time in my recollected history, I cannot breathe easy, for I feel as if I might explode from the understanding I now have. I am free and I can live, not just this, for there is more, so much more. I live and I am free but what is more, I believe that I deserve this, to live to be free to be alive, and all of it, all of it, every single miserable existence might help to send me to a place that will bring me happiness that I might never had noticed had I not suffered first. Not that suffering exactly isn’t living because this two sat waiting to be noticed, that is to say, that the very suffering that caught my soul still would release me to be brighter than ever was possible without this. It is, and has always been for the sake of living. Even the pain, the deadliest pain that cuts of my life from its breathe has helped me to breath easy again, for now I can see.